In Honor of Halloween...Things that Scare Me.
Imagine...You are 7 years old. You've had a normal day of school, friends, homework, family dinner, playtime, bath time, then bedtime. Your head on your pillow, you drift away into peaceful slumber. You dream that Snow White and yourself are in a forest singing to the animals and enjoying a happy day in the sunshine. Then you watch as one of the happy little white rabbits starts growing...and growing...and growing! Soon it is taller than Snow White with red eyes and fangs and you know deep down that that rabbit has only one purpose...to kill. The colors fade out of the forest and the animals, yourself and Snow White all begin running for your life...both yourself and Snow White screaming as you go...then...you wake up. Whew! Its over, right? Sure, the dream is...but that feeling lingers...the feeling that you aren't really safe...hanging on...just waiting for you to drift off to sleep again so it can attack you with another unknown terror.
This is me. Its what I've lived with as long as I can remember. As I grew, so did the dreams. Axe Murderers slowly coming down the hall -I could actually hear them- to chop me to bits (I'd hide against the wall and try to make it look like no one was in bed and maybe he'd get my sister first and give me time to run); soldier ants sweeping through, eating everything (including people) in sight...feeling them crawling up my legs; the skeletons and wolves under my bed, ready to grab my ankles and pull me under if I dared to get up to use the bathroom or trek once again into my parent's room for comfort. I eventually stopped going to them for comfort...on one hand I was getting too old for my parents to want to comfort me from terrorizing dreams and on the other hand they weren't much help anyway. My dad usually just told me to tell the monsters that I couldn't play right then, that I had to sleep and that they'd just go away. WRONG! They didn't want to play (silly dad)...they wanted to KILL ME...chop me up, eat me, torture me! Very unpleasant.
I have finally learned to control my fear, to be extra careful of what I watch or read, to pray when I feel the terror sinking in, and I have my husband to wake me and hold me when I'm screaming in my sleep. I don't really worry about those fears too much any more. They can be managed and have become more and more intermittent over the years. Now I have a whole set of new fears.
1. Money...well not really money (although having money sometimes makes people turn into not so nice people) but the lack thereof. To me, not having money is a very scary thing.
2. Driving next to large trucks...I am just SURE they won't see my big red SUV and move over into my lane and squish the car like an empty soda can.
3. Mice...you can laugh about this one but there's nothing like snuggling down with your family at the end of a long day and suddenly seeing a mouse run across your hallway into the kitchen. It is startling and not very nice on the mouse's part.
4. Being alone...I'm not talking about just being alone in a room for days on end. I've done that and it isn't scary. I'm talking about some event that would take my husband and daughter away from me and I would be alone (and heartbroken). I have my brothers and sisters and parents, but it just isn't the same. I always want to be with my little family!
5. Paper cuts...They happen, sometimes you notice them right away, sometimes not. They're sneaky and I just don't like them. I could lose a finger...and I'm pretty attached to my fingers.
6. Heights...Or more like the act of falling from heights. I just know that when I'm in some tall building or at the top of some great height and I look out the window or over the ledge or whatever...it will be me that someone accidentally bumps and goes over the edge or the glass just falls out for some unknown reason. Its bound to happen.
I probably could go on with my list of fears but the list is probably way too long and who really wants to read that? Besides, I'm afraid it might just be too boring.
This is me. Its what I've lived with as long as I can remember. As I grew, so did the dreams. Axe Murderers slowly coming down the hall -I could actually hear them- to chop me to bits (I'd hide against the wall and try to make it look like no one was in bed and maybe he'd get my sister first and give me time to run); soldier ants sweeping through, eating everything (including people) in sight...feeling them crawling up my legs; the skeletons and wolves under my bed, ready to grab my ankles and pull me under if I dared to get up to use the bathroom or trek once again into my parent's room for comfort. I eventually stopped going to them for comfort...on one hand I was getting too old for my parents to want to comfort me from terrorizing dreams and on the other hand they weren't much help anyway. My dad usually just told me to tell the monsters that I couldn't play right then, that I had to sleep and that they'd just go away. WRONG! They didn't want to play (silly dad)...they wanted to KILL ME...chop me up, eat me, torture me! Very unpleasant.
I have finally learned to control my fear, to be extra careful of what I watch or read, to pray when I feel the terror sinking in, and I have my husband to wake me and hold me when I'm screaming in my sleep. I don't really worry about those fears too much any more. They can be managed and have become more and more intermittent over the years. Now I have a whole set of new fears.
1. Money...well not really money (although having money sometimes makes people turn into not so nice people) but the lack thereof. To me, not having money is a very scary thing.
2. Driving next to large trucks...I am just SURE they won't see my big red SUV and move over into my lane and squish the car like an empty soda can.
3. Mice...you can laugh about this one but there's nothing like snuggling down with your family at the end of a long day and suddenly seeing a mouse run across your hallway into the kitchen. It is startling and not very nice on the mouse's part.
4. Being alone...I'm not talking about just being alone in a room for days on end. I've done that and it isn't scary. I'm talking about some event that would take my husband and daughter away from me and I would be alone (and heartbroken). I have my brothers and sisters and parents, but it just isn't the same. I always want to be with my little family!
5. Paper cuts...They happen, sometimes you notice them right away, sometimes not. They're sneaky and I just don't like them. I could lose a finger...and I'm pretty attached to my fingers.
6. Heights...Or more like the act of falling from heights. I just know that when I'm in some tall building or at the top of some great height and I look out the window or over the ledge or whatever...it will be me that someone accidentally bumps and goes over the edge or the glass just falls out for some unknown reason. Its bound to happen.
I probably could go on with my list of fears but the list is probably way too long and who really wants to read that? Besides, I'm afraid it might just be too boring.
Comments
So I'm guessing that a mouse wielding a sharp piece of paper while driving a semi would just put you over the edge? :)